Unexpectencies
by WriteWhatever
Summary: This is the most unexpected occurance of all time, please feel free to enjoy it at my expense.
1. Chapter 1

All characters except Josh are works of Hasbro. By the way my character is loosely based off of Cr1tikal so expect some swears and crude humor.

* * *

So, I was just lazing around the house, nothing better to do. I looked at my watch and it was 10 p.m. Might as well hit the hay early. I jumped into bed, not even bothering to brush my teeth, because who gives a shit.

It was 6 a.m. when I woke up, and immediately heard voices coming from outside my room. I instantly thought it was just a dream and I'm just half-awake in this situation, but more noises aroused my suspicions. I lazily got out bed and cautiously crept toward my door. There was nothing in the hallway but then the noises were coming from the basement.

I slowly walked towards the basement and the minute I turned on the lights, the most fucked up shit happened…

Anyway the time is now 8:25 a.m. and look whom I found stalking in my basement. Why the fuck were there six girls in the house, and they looked just as confused as I am. I mean look at them, you would not believe this.

One girl had purple hair with streaks in it, she was wearing a collared shirt and a plaid skirt. She looked like a fucking school girl. The second one was a blonde, I think. She was wearing a buttoned flannel shirt with jeans and cowboy boots, and she's even wearing a cowboy hat, I have fucking Jessie form Toy's Story 2 standing in my house. The third one also had purple hair, but it had a more neatly style to it. She was wearing a white dress with dark purple stripes on the top and light purple shading on the bottom. Honestly, she reminds me of one of those women from the E! network channel. The fourth one had dark pink puffy hair and she wearing short, jean shorts with a light pink T shirt that has cupcakes splattered all over it. She Looked hyper as fuck, I mean look at her face, that is the kind of face you'd see on clowns in a carnival. The fifth one had light pink hair and she had a very timid look on her face. She was wearing a light yellow dress. The last one had… holy shark nipples this girl has fuckin rainbow hair. I bet if you brush it skittles would fall out. Or a fuckin leprechaun. She was wearing a hoodie with a zipper on it, beneath that hoodie was a black shirt with a thundercloud producing a rainbow lightning bolt. She also had jeans on. I assume she was the lesbian of the group.

Seems plausible.

"So why are you girls lurking around in my basement at night?" I asked them in a monotonous tone.

The "school girl" volunteered to speak. " W-well… you see…uh…we are from…well…how do you put it? From another dimension and I was expir-".

I stopped her right there.

"Don't fuckin lay this terrible bullshit on me, tell me why you guys were in my basement!" I interjected.

That's right I'm going to lay down the law on their asses if they don't start explaining.

The girls had looks of consternation etched on their faces.

"Bull-shit?" one of them quietly said.

"Look, you may not believe me on this but it's true, we're from a place called Equestria."

What the fuck? Did she just Equestria? Wh-what is that? Some kind of for horses. I know that equestrian means horse but…what. The. Fuck. There's only one possible explanation for all of this;

These bitches were crazy. Enough said.

"I know you're very skeptical on this but if you give us a chance to prove it then could not…get us locked up?" I decided I might as well play along.

"Fine you get one chance." I said still obviously skeptical.

"Thank you" The girl replied.

"Alright so how are you going to pull this one off Twilight? Can you still use your magic?" The Cowgirl whispered to her.

"I don't know, but I'll give it a shot." She replied. It now looks as though she were concentrating on something. I was watching her facial expression and it looked as though as if she was trying to take a shit standing up. I can honestly say that she was concentrating harder than a Chinese monk.

I was about to ask her what she was doing but my question was halted when objects were starting to float around her. They levitated for a couple seconds then fell to the ground.

I stand corrected, she's not a school girl, she's a school girl who goes to fuckin Hogwarts.

I was just flabbergasted at the moment, but didn't know it since I don't show emotion on my face. I'm getting a weird vibe from these girls.

"There, is that proof enough for you?" She said with a smile on face.

The fuckin shit just happened so yeah I'll just go with it.

"Alright Sabrina the Teenage Witch I believe you, by the way what are your names?" I asked the girls.

"Oh, well my name is Twilight Sparkle and these are my friends: Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, FlutterShy, and Rainbow Dash." She Replied.

I took a few seconds to take in those names. Um… what the fuck?

"So…uh…what's your name?" she asked me.

"Josh."

"Huh… well…nice to meet you Josh, and uh…I also want to apologize for making you go through ordeal."

"It's…fine, I guess…so uh, how did you girls end up here?"

"Well, like I said before, I was experimenting with a very complex spell and my equation must've been off a little and when I tried to test it, it created a large inter-dimensional portal and…well you know the rest."

Her story seems plausible.

"Alright well guess it's already morning so who want's breakfast?"

"Oh! Oh! I do! How about we make PANCAKES! Oh! Let's make pancakes, with sugar and chocolate and blueberries and sprinkles and syrup and…"

"ALRIGHT WE'RE HAVING PANCAKES."


	2. Chapter 2

This was the shittiest morning I have endured, but it wasn't as shitty as getting up at 5 a.m. to throw up after eating left over spaghetti.

But anyway I'm over it now. Nothing like the taste of chocolate chip pancakes to start a normal routine, and it looks like the girls are enjoying them also. Especially the pink curly cew who's just scarfing them down like a fuckin whale swallowing krill.

"Mmm, these are really good." Said Fluttershy.

"I agree, these pancakes are mighty tasty." Said Applejack.

"Well pancakes make everyone day's better so yeah thanks." I said while turning my attention back to the stove.

"Couldn't agree with you more!" Said Pinkie in a overly ecstatic voice. That bitch needs to calm down.

After I finished cooking and eating we went over to the living room. Pinkie just dive bombed onto the couch while the others sat somewhere else.

"So…this is your house right?" Asked Twilight, trying to make small talk.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Hmm you've seem to possess a lot of exotic merchandise, I mean, I've never seen anything like this before." Said Rarity. I think she was talking to my tv and computer.

"Yeah, pretty exotic." This is just fuckin awkward, I feel like my nipples are about to fuckin explode from all this tension in the room.

It was pretty quiet in here until Twilight broke the silence.

"Hey Josh…um can ask you some questions…um, about this world we're in…I mean if that's okay with you?"

Oh that's a relief, I thought she was going to ask if she can grab my wiener. I'm kidding.

"Yeah sure ask away."

Okay so it's been about forty damn minutes now and I'm already tired. I felt like I was playing 20 questions with these girls. "Does your world have magic?" "Who raises the sun and the moon?" "Who runs your world?" "How many cupcakes can I fit in my mouth?" Guess who came up with that one.

Anyway, I'm in Walmart right now so I can some pillows and sleeping bags for the girls because, who the fuck knows how long they're going to stay in my house.

After I went through the checkout my phone rang. Oh look whose fucking calling.

"Hey Trez how's it goin?"

"Not bad, hey did you get 'Infinite' yet?" He means Bioshock.

"No but I _am _going to get it soon, I heard it was really good."

"Oh it's fuckin amazing, and the ending is pretty fucked up too."

"Don't fuckin spoil it for me asshole."

Yeah I'm also a huge gamer, can't you tell bitch?

"So you still making videos on Youtube, your last one was like a week ago."

"Yeah I'm still making videos, just not as much anymore."

"The one with the Rocket Power game was pretty hilarious."

*Flashback*

I'm playing on my PS3 while recording the gameplay footage.

"Come on Otto you can do thi- Oh you got to be stepping on nipples right now. You know I was expecting a Shaun White kind of level but you obviously tell that Otto can't snowboard for shit."

Yup, the game was pissing me off.

*End flashback*

"So anyway I'll catch you later."

"Yeah, seeya." I ended the call.

* * *

I am finally home. I brought in the pillows and sleeping bags and left them in the living room.

I can see the girls were enjoying themselves. Pinkie and Dash were messing with the tv, Twilight was observing some of my old books, Applejack and Rarity were talking to each other, and Fluttershy was examining the computer like it was a fossil.

"Hey Josh you don't have a lot of books do you?" asked Twilight, she was reading a book written by Stephen Colbert.

"Well I'm not much of a reader."

"oh, what a shame." Bringing her attention back to the book.

"Hey Josh can you tell me more about this…what did you say, tv? I actually think it's pretty cool." Said Rainbow Dash.

"They look like moving pictures." Said Pinkie.

"Well that's pretty much the definition of tv so yeah you hit the nail on the head." I said while watching Rainbow scroll through the channels.

"OH WAIT, RAINBOW GO BACK, GO BACK TO THE LAST ONE!" Said Fluttershy.

Rainbow complied and went back to the last channel. It Animal Planet and they were showing puppies.

"AWW they're so cute, I didn't know your world had dogs in it to, are there any other animals In this world? What are they? What do they look like?" Asked Futtershy. Well looks like we have an animal lover, if she loves this show so much than she's going to love watching lions hunt other animals.

Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight entered the living room.

"Hey guys, what cha watchin?" asked Applejack with a curious but interested look on her face.

"Oh we're watching some…uh…hey Josh what do you call these?" asked rainbow.

"Shows."

"Shows? How very interesting, they're like movies but…more advanced looking." Said Twilight.

"This color box is so entertaining! I wonder how many of these shows it has." Said Pinkie.

This is just a wonderful moment, these girls are surrounding the fuckin tv like moths to a light bulb.

You know what fuck it. I'm going to play some NBA Jam 00' on my computer, that'll keep my mind off shit.

* * *

It was night time and every one was getting ready for bed. I didn't have a lot of room in my house so I let Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, Rarity, and Fluttershy sleep in my room. Dash and Rarity were fighting over who would sleep on my bed. I told them that they should just share the bed. It was hard to get them to accept the choice but I finally did.

Pinkie was sleeping on an old water bed of mine and Fluttershy was sleeping one of the sleeping bags I bought. Twilight, applejack and I are sleeping in the living room. Twi and Apple are sleeping on my couch which can be converted into a small bed and I was spending the night on a sleeping bag. I could sleep on my Lay-z-Boy but not every night, that's just fuckin terrible for the back, and also it's harder to masterbate.

"Hey Josh you awake?" Whispered Twilight, not wanting to disturb a sleeping Applejack.

"Yeah" I said with exhaustion in my voice.

"I can't sleep knowing there's so much to learn and explore, especially in a new world like this. It's very exciting but at the same I'm also nervous, I don't what this world might have to offer."

"Well don't worry too much about you know, it'll be easier on your mind."

"Yeah, you're right."

I can hear the crickets outside.

"Hey Josh."

"Huh."

"Goodnight."

I said goodnight back and we were both off to sleep.

Got to get ready to tackle a new day, but it's like what they say;

When the going gets tough…well…fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

"FUCK! You titty perspiration, I hit you dead on!" I said, getting frustrated with one of the bosses in Little Big Planet 2.

"Come on you walking scrotum you should've killed this thing by now."

Twilight and her friends walked in but I was too busy to even notice.

"Hey Josh, what are you doing?" Asked Twilight.

"Getting my ass handed to me by this silly fuck."

"Huh?"

"Fuck it I'm done." I turn the game off.

"So guys, how long do you think you'll be stuck here?"

"I don't know, I tried contacting Celestia but I couldn't get a hold of her."

She told me earlier that Celestia was one of the Princesses who ruled Equestria along with her sister and she also raises the sun.

"Don't you still have magic?"

"Well I was able to hold more magic in my pony form but in my human form, there's not a lot in me."

"Twilight, are you saying we're stuck here?" Asked Rarity in a panicky tone.

"Um…I'm afraid so, sorry Rarity."

What a shitty day this is.

"OH NO! How will I be able make dresses?! How will I be able to just stand here knowing that there's no pony in my boutique who can make dresses and Sweetie Belle is left all alone for no pony to take care of her!?" Rarity was practically hyperventilating.

"Yeah, and how can help ma brother and sister back at Sweet Apple Acres if I'm not there bucking apple trees with them?" Said Applejack. Her frown deepening.

"Oh no! Whose going to take care of my animals, my darling little Angle is all alone!" Said Fluttershy.

"And whose gonna help the Cakes make Pies and cupcakes back at Sugar Cube Corner!?" Yelled Pinkie, her hair deflating at the same time.

"And how can I just stand here when the new WonderBolts show is coming on next week!?" Complained Rainbow.

"Guys! Settle down. Look, I know we're in a bad situation right now but please just let me try to fix okay? I'm sure I'll be able to contact Celestia somehow." Said Twilight.

"I hope your right there sugar cube." Said applejack with a worried expression on her face.

Well this is just a load of fuck, maybe I can help these girls.

"Hey girls!" they turned their attention to me.

"I know you're having a bad day so how about we go out a bit, that should get rid of some stress." I'm just going to throw this plan out and see if it would work.

"That sounds like a good idea, how about it guys?" Twilight motioned toward her friends.

"Yeah it does sound like a good idea." Said Applejack.

"Hmm, alright let's go out." Said Rainbow.

"OOH! Where are we going? Ooh lets go to the beach! No let's go to the carnival! We can stuff our mouths with cotton candy!" Said Pinkie while jumping around like a pogo stick.

"Actually I was thinking about the mall." I said.

* * *

There's wasn't a lot of people in the mall but that was good thing. At least I can keep an eye in these girls.

"Alright here's the plan, I'll give you each $100 so you can spend it on something you like and when you're done, we'll meet right there." I pointed to the benches in the center of the mall.

"Okay, everybody got that?"

They all nodded.

'Alright, see you guys in a bit." I approached the food court.

"So guys, what are you going to spend you…uh…$100 dollars on?" Asked twilight.

"Well I assume that there's a fashion store here so I might as well check that out, maybe I'll purchase a few garments there." Said Rarity.

"I gonna go to that candy shop over there and buy as many candy I want!" Said Pinkie, pointing to the store that called 'SweetTreats'.

"Um…I think I'm going take a look at the pet store." Said Fluttershy.

"I'm gonna see what's over in the sports shop." Said Rainbow.

"Well I'm just gonna look around and see if anything interests me." Said Applejack.

"Alright well I'm going to look around in the book store, I'll see you guys in a little while."

* * *

I was eating some shrimp fried rice I got from the Tai food section, all the while talking with a friend on the phone.

"I asked Dave if he got his car inspected and he was like 'yeah man I got one those clear stickers,' then I was like 'dude that means you didn't pass.'" I replied on the phone.

"Well Dave's an idiot, did you see what he did to his tires?" Asked Trez.

"Yeah, how the fuck do you rip your tires on a side walk?"

"Well he did it."

I took a sip from my Mountain Dew.

* * *

"excuse me ma'am but there are other customers who wants to use the changing room." One of the employees said.

"Just a minute!" Yelled Rarity.

"Now which one matches my eyes better?" Rarity had a hand full of dresses piled on top of each other, experimenting with each one, all the while a line impatient customers were waiting in front of her stall.

"Excuse me ma'am but could you not do that?" said the store owner.

"Okie dokie." Said pinkie. Her head was underneath one of the candy dispensers and she opening and closing it, allowing candy to fall into her mouth.

"Let's see I'll have this, I'll take some of these, ooh can't forget about these, and I definitely need these." Pinkie was just shoving all kinds of candy into her third bag.

The Store owner had an expression on his face, the kind that says "what the hell is going on with that girls?"

* * *

Fluttershy was walking around the pet store observing different animals residing in their cages, but there was one cage that got her attention.

The bunnies.

Fluttershy zipped toward the bunny cage to observe them closely.

"Aww aren't they so adorable?" Said Fluttershy.

"Yup, their cute aren't they, you can pick em up if you like." Said the employee.

"Really? Thank you."

Fluttershy held up one of the bunnies. It was a white rabbit with a few dark spots around it's head.

"You're a cute little bunny aren't you? Why you remind me if my little Angel back at home."

The rabbit did nothing.

Fluttershy continued to pet the rabbit while saying soothing words to it.

"Hey mom look at the puppies!" A little boy said, picking one them up.

"Aww what kind of dog is it?" Asked the mother.

He put the puppy on the floor.

"It says it's a Golden Retriever." Said the boy, reading off the cages.

Fluttershy layed the bunny on the floor as well to ley it roam a bit.

Unfortunately the Gold Retriever pup set it's sights on the bunny and is locked on target. The chase is on.

The pup advanced toward the bunny and the bunny seemed to have noticed it as it went running off.

"Wait! Where are you going?!" Said Fluttershy. She was answered with the puppy running out from under her legs making her trip and fall backwards.

"Hey look the puppy is chasing the rabbit." Yelled the boy.

"Oh dear." Said Fluttershy.

A minute has gone by and the pup finally manages to corner the poor rabbit. Fluttershy was trying to think what to do and then she finally came up with an idea. She jumped onto the bunny, shielding it from the attacking puppy. The puppy advanced toward. Futtershy gave out a squeal.

* * *

Applejack continued to walk around the mall, unable to find a single store that catches her attention…except one of them.

"What's all the ruckus?" Applejack said to herself. She walked into the pet store and found Fluttershy on the floor with a puppy ravaging her with it's tongue. She was giggling as the puppy continued it's 'assault' on her. Applejack couldn't suppress a laugh either.

* * *

Rainbow Dash was trying out some sports equipment.

"What in Celestia name is this thing?" Said Rainbow, holding up a baseball bat.

'Oh what are these?" She was looking towards one of the fancy sneakers.

"Well if I can't be the fastest flier in this world I might as well be the fastest runner."

She grabbed the pair of sneakers and made towards the checkout counter.

* * *

Twilight was sitting on one of the lounge chairs in the 'Barnes and Noble' Store, she had about fifteen books beside her and she was currently reading one about the Solar System.

"This is so fascinating." Twilight whispered to herself. If there as an elephant walking on stilts in front of her she wouldn't have noticed.

* * *

After I finished my meal I headed back toward our designated spot and I found the girls already ther…wait a fuckin minute something's wrong.

We were soon greeted with a joyful Pinkie Pie riding around in a motorized scooter. She had five bags of candy in the built in shopping cart.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Yelled Pinkie obviously bringing attention to her.

"What the fuck is this?!" I said, face palming in my mind.

"Pinkie! Stop, you're gonna get hurt!" Warned Twilight.

"This thing is SO fun!" Yelled Pinkie, executing donuts with the cart.

"HEY YOU!"

Well slap my dickhole.

* * *

Well at least it wasn't too serious, I mean the mall cop just gave us a warning and that's all.

We finally made it home. Twilight brought home a "few" books, Rarity bought around three dresses and other accessories, Pinkie Pie had already finished two-in-a-half bags of candy, Fluttershy adopted a bunny, she named it Angel, Applejack just got a pineapple smoothie and some vanilla ice cream, and Rainbow Dash was wearing her new Nikes. I can obviously say that we all had a good time. They all thanked me for the day out and we all got ready for diner.

"How's macaroni and cheese sound?" I asked them.

They gave me confused looks.

"Ma-ca-roni and cheese?" Said Rainbow.

"It's really good I'll tell you that." Especially the bread crumbs, oh yeah, I'm not going to recall my first experience I had when I had my first bite of macaroni and cheese but the second the it touched my tongue I WAS IN FLAVOR HEAVEN and I was ten at the time. So nostalgic, just thinking about it makes drool leaked out of my butthole.

I guarantee you, these girls will have a holy experience once they take their first bite out the gooey yellow gold.

And I was right. These girls were scarfing down the pasta like it was a eating contest. It was a picture perfect image. God I wish I had my camera.

"MORE PLEASE!" Yelled pinkie, holding up her cheese covered plate high in the air like Sir Arthur holding up Excalibur, not to mention she had cheese all over her face. Everyone laughed, it was pretty humorous sight.


	4. Chapter 4

*Meanwhile in Canterlot, Celestia's castle*

"Have you had any word of your student dear sister?" said the dark blue alicorn with a somber expression.

"Not yet my dear Luna, and that worries me." Says the white alicorn, gazing into one of the stain glass windows in her throne room. "Where could they have gone? It's very strange that Twilight and her friends disappeared all of a sudden."

"I'm sure they will come back. Your student is a very wise one, I'm sure she'll find a way." Reassured Luna and it was enough to brighten her sister's face.

"Yes, you're right dear sister, how foolish of me to worry so much." Replied Celestia with a light blush.

"Oh sister it's not foolish to worry about the safety of your pupil, just have faith in her." Celestia nods.

"Now let's get something to eat, we can't rule Equestria on an empty stomach."

Celestia gives her a bright smile.

"How right you are sister."

They both gave out a chuckle.

*Meanwhile in Ponyville*

"Jeez I wonder where Twilight could be, it's definitely not like her to disappear and leave me with all this work." Said the frustrated diminutive purple dragon sorting through a large pile of books.

"Alright I'm going out for a break, I'm sure Twilight wouldn't mind if I leave all this stuff like this." Said the dragon has he walked out of the library/tree house. I wouldn't be surprised if those elves form that cookie commercial dwells in there.

The dragon was wandering around Ponyville until he came across a certain large crimson stallion.

"Hey Big Mac." Greeted the dragon.

"Huh? Oh howdy Spike, say have you seen Applejack anywhere? I can't seem to find her and it's really weird for her to just vanish like that." Said the worried Big Mac.

"No I haven't seen, hey have you seen Twilight? She's been gone for a while and I have no clue where she is." Asked Spike.

"Nope, I haven't seen her." Replied Big Mac. "Well I got to get back to the farm, I don't want to leave Applebloom hanging." And just like that he left.

"Hmm, this is getting really weird, first it's Twilight and now Applejacks gone missing. I hope they're okay."

Spike continues to walk through the town.

*Back to earth*

"Alright Rainbow your arm should be heeled within a couple hours, just don't do anymore tricks on the ATV." I told her after I finished bandaging her arm. There were just minor scratches, nothing big.

"So that's what that thing's called, A-T-V." She obviously have never rode one before.

"Alright you're all set." She stands up to take a better look at her arm.

"Eh it doesn't look to bad." Rainbow just shrugs it off.

"What the hell were you trying to do, a back flip?" I asked her.

"Nooooo I just wanted to see how fast it can go." Says Rainbow, trying to look innocent.

"Alright how about I teach you how to ride the sucker so you won't fuck yourself up next time, does that sound good?"

"TOTALLY!"

"Alright we'll do that next time but right now how about we have some food."

"Yeah sure, getting injured can really make you hungry."

She's like fucking Evel knievel.

We entered the living room to see the rest of the gang waiting.

"You alright Rainbow Dash, nothings seriously hurt?" Asked a concerned Twilight.

"You were doing awesome on that thing Rainbow Dash! Well except the part where you fell off." Says Pinkie.

While they were talking about Rainbow's daring feats Fluttershy's bunny hops over to me, I picked it up and went to the kitchen to feed him some carrots.

"Yeah you like carrots don't you?" I said to the rabbit. It just kept nibbling on the carrot. I went back into the living room and lightly threw Bugs Bunny onto the couch.

"Alright everyone I'm going to get some food for all of us so stay here and don't do anything stupid."

"You don't want us to come and help you sugar cube?" Said Applejack.

"I'll be back in a little while don't worry, and keep an eye on Rainbow for me, don't let back on my ATV without my supervision."

"Hey I'm not a little filly!" Says a agitated Rainbow.

"Hehe we'll keep an eye on her, just come back safe okay." Says Twilight.

*Break*

"Man I've been living in this freaky world for five days and I already feel like I fit in." Says Applejack with slight enthusiasm.

"Yeah this world is definitely fun!" Announced Pinkie, playing Motorstorm with Rainbow Dash.

"OH COME ON Pinkie how are you in front of me already I was in the lead like three seconds?" Asked a grouchy Rainbow. She's not the one to like losing.

Fluttershy was tending to her bunny's needs, from brushing its fur and to reading a story with it. That is a definition of adorable, fuck I need a slim jim. Rarity was trying to look up different types of fashion on the internet, along with Twilights help.

"OOH LOOK AT THAT I'VE NEVER SEEN A DRESS LIKE THAT BEFORE! OOH LOOK AT THIS ONE! SO STYLISH AND INTRIGUING!" Yeah she was just going on and on about the diversity of fashion in this world.

"Wow slow down Rarity I'm still trying to get use to tying on this key board." I showed them how to use the computer so that they can retrieve more knowledge of this world. They better not break my shit.

"You know, I think I'm gonna visit the pond nearby." Said Applejack as she left through the back door. Rainbow and Pinkie were neck and neck in their "race".

"Gah! This game is making me thirsty, hey Twilight could you help me out and get a drink for me?" Asked Rainbow, not even taking her eyes off the tv.

"Rainbow Dash the kitchen is like six steps from here, I'm sure you can get one yourself." Countered Twilight, hands at her hips.

"Ahh come on Twilight, pleaseeeeee?" Pressed Rainbow with a puppy dog expression. Twilight gave in.

"Oh alright I'll get you a drink." Surrendered Twilight.

"Thank you Twlight you're my best friend."

Twilight rolled her eyes and proceeded to the fridge, she took a can of Dew out and handed it to Rainbow.

"Oh could you open that for me?" Asked Rainbow, she obviously has her hands full.

"Ugh fine." Says a agitated Twilight. Applejack bursts in through the back door and into the living room. She looked like she was out of breath and very startled.

"Applejack what is it!?" Asked Twilight, worried about her friend.

"Twi-Twilight, you'll never believe this but something is happening in the back yard!"

*Break*

It was about six when I came back. I was carrying a large bag of Chinese food, I made sure there was no meat in it so it wouldn't scar them. This should take care of dinner tonight. I don't really feel like cooking since I was tired as shit and fuck do I needed to take a shit.

I opened the door and placed the food on the table and advanced toward the shitter. Yeah that's what I call it. After I finished my 'dirty work' I went into the living room and planted my ass on the couch. Hey wait a sec, where the fuck are the girls? Did they go somewhere? I just realized that the house was suspiciously quiet all of a sudden. I got off the couch and searched the area. They were nowhere in sight what the fuck happened!? What, did they decided to leave because they couldn't stand this place anymore? Well I hope they found a better place than this, and besides I have the house to myself again and… WHAT IN THE HORSE NIPPLES IS THAT FUCKING THING!?

*Break*

"It-it must be some kind of portal, I-I'm not sure." Twilight observed nervously. The girls were staring at some kind of blinding white light. It looked like a miniaturized white sun.

"A portal? To where?" Asked Applejack.

"Maybe it's portal back to Equestria." Said Rainbow Dash.

"I'm not sure where this portal would take us, it might be a portal to anywhere in the universe." Said Twilight, analyzing the portal from every angle.

"Looks like we won't know unless we try it." Said Pinkie as she thrusts her hand toward the portal.

"NO PINKIE!" Everyone yelled in unison, advancing on the pinkette.

*Break*

This is the weirdest fuckin thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Was I looking at a sun or some kind of mystical portal? I'm telling you this has been the most shit induced week I have ever went through. I picked up a rock and through it at it. I just ate the fuckin rock. I'm guessing that the girls fell in what it looks to be an obeast Navi form legend of Zelda but without the butterfly wings. I took very cautious steps toward it. I slowly extended my hand to its center. I felt a slight suction coming from it, so I decided to be an idiot and reached out further into the unknown and I got sucked in like a vacuum cleaner.

What I am experiencing right now is out of this world. There were colors swirling around me like a washing machine going through rinse cycle. I tell you there were more colors I here then a gay pride flag, it almost makes me happy for some reason, and at the same time, makes me want a poptart.

*Break*

Finally, it seemed like forever when I was being fuckin teleported through a wormhole, I have now reached an unknown destination. It is now the best time to know my surroundings. It looked like I was at the edge of a forest and there was a dirt road heading off somewhere near those hills. Well there's nothing better to do then to follow the yellow brick road. This better not be some kind of Alice and Wonderland shit or I fuckin swear…

Let's see, it's been about five minutes since I've been following this road and so far it's leading me to nowhere in particular. This is a hopeless journey, I might as well sit here and starve to death, and what a nice day to do that, not a fuckin cloud in the sky. You know what NO, I'm giving up early I got to press on. Just like the wise man said, " every long journey starts with a single step", time to get a move…hold the fuck on! Is that civilization I hear?

I came across a wooden sign. I read 'Ponyville'. I guess they weren't lying after all, this fucking town actually exists. Let's go terrorized the inhabitants.

*Break*

"TWILIGHT! Man I've never been so glad to see you!" Announced Spike as he lunged toward Twilight and held her in a bear hug.

"It's good to see you too Spike, did you handle everything okay while I was gone?"

"Yup, everything is neatly organized from top to bottom."

"Oh Spike what would I do without you."

*Break*

Alright thirty steps into the town and everyone was giving me weird looks. Did I forget to mention that they were all ponies? I feel like I was in some kid's coloring book. It just felt so fucking strange, I could even feel it in my nipples.

"GASP, OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH JOSH IS THAT YOU!?" Now who could that be…OH WHAT A FUCKING SURPRISE! So that's what she looks like in a pony form.

"OH IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU JOSH DID YOU MISS ME? I KNOW I MISSED YOU, ARE YOU HUNGRY? LET'S GO TO SUGARCUBE CORNER! THERE'S PLENTY OF GOODIES THERE! OH I ALMOST FORGOT, WE SHOULD HAVE A PARTY! OH IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT, IT WILL BE THE BIGGEST PARTY EVER AND EVERYPONY WILL BE INVITED! OH I SHOULD TELL MY FRIENDS, BUT I DON'T WANT TO TELL THEM TOO MUCH OR ELSE IT WOULD SPOIL THE SURPRISE, WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR ANY WAY JOSH? DO YOU LIKE CHOCOLATE OR DO YOU LIKE VANILLA OR…" Oh…my…fucking….

"Hey Pinkie how about you show me around this place." I threw out.

"Oh sure I would love to give a fun-filled tour of Ponyville." Pinkie replied ecstatically.

"Hey aren't your friends here too?"

"Of course and in fact let's go see them right now!"

*Break*

We were now at Twilight's house, which was a humongous tree.

"HEY TWILIGHT OPEN UP THERE'S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO SEE!" Yelled Pinkie while repeatedly banging on her front door.

"Alright, alright hold on a sec Pinkie." Replied an annoyed Twilight.

The door opens and Twilight's expression turns form annoyed to shock.

"Josh!? How did you…is that really you?!" Asked Twilight, she couldn't find the right words to say.

"In the fuckin flash, how's it going Twilight?"

"Wow Josh, I've never expected to see you here. Did you fall in that same portal in your back yard?"

"Heh what else?" I felt like being a smart ass.

"Well please come in, make yourself at home, would you like something to drink?"

"No thanks."

"Hey Twilight do we have company…" Right then and there I was face-to-face with a pint size dragon.

"Umm…Twilight?"

"Don't worry Spike, he's just a friend from a different place, he won't harm you." Reassured Twilight.

"Okay, if you say so." Said Spike, not fully convinced. I decided to break the silence.

"So…how's it going?" I asked Spike.

"Um…okay…I guess." He replied.

"If you're wondering what I am I'm what you call a human."

"A hu…man?" How much do I need to explain to this fuckin thing about humans?

"We're basically bi-pedal creatures capable of adapting and surviving almost anywhere."

"Wow, that's really…interesting." Looks like I got him hooked.

*Break*

_Dear Princess Celestia_

_ I know you and everypony have been worried sick about me and my friends and for that I apologize, you see, I've been working on an old experiment that quickly turned awry and it resulted in having my friends and I teleported to a new dimension and it is there that we encountered a new friend there by the name a Josh. He is a human who lives in a different world from ours, he has helped us through our struggles and did everything he could to make us feel more like home in a different world. We also learned many new interesting things there during our stay and never in my life have I ever been fascinated in that world. But now we are all safe sound back in Equestria. I will immediately take where I left off and submit my friendship reports as soon as possible. _

_P.S. The human that I mentioned, Josh has also been teleported here with us. I will give him food and shelter until I have found a way to send him back home._

_ Sincerely yours_

_ Twilight Sparkle_

After Twilight had finished the letter she gave it to Spike where he burnt it up with green fire. What the fuck.

*Break*

Celestia's Castle

Celestia sitting by the fire reading her students latest report while sipping on a cup of tea.

"Hmm a human, it does sound very interesting, not to mention very generous if it did all those nice things for Twilight and her friends. Hmm, I think I'll go visit her tomorrow." Said Celestia, beginning to write a reply to herto her faith full student.


	5. Chapter 5

I am sitting here, in Twilight's living room. Drinking tea. An awkward silence filled the room, and the purple dragon was staring at me this whole time. I didn't know if he was giving me a funny look or if he's just trying to examine me very closely. I knew he was looking at me I can see him from my peripherals. What the fuck are you looking at? Do I have something on my nipples, does my face has some characteristics that intrigue you? I obviously didn't say that to him.

Twilight's friends are going to be here any minute since Pinkie took off like a carrier pigeon to contact them. It's no doubt that they'll be excited to see me, and not to mention that there's going to be a party in my name. I should've brought my iPhone speakers. Anyway this tea's getting cold, and who the dick ate all the crackers?! No, it was me, I'm starting to lose my mind in this world. Where the fuck is Twilight?!

"Hey guys! Sorry to keep you waiting, I had to send somepony a letter." Said Twilight, smiling brightly.

"Oh wait where did Pinkie go?" Twilight was looking around for her friend.

"She went to tell the others about my arrival."

"Hey Twilight, you've never told about your adventures in the other world." Said Spike, leaning over the coffee table.

"Oh Spike, that's a long story, I'll tell you later."

"Aww why not now?" Moaned Spike, walking off into the kitchen.

"WE'RE HERE!" Yelled the Pink megaphone.

"Josh!? Well I reckon I never thought to see you here." Says Applejack.

"Wow this certainly is surprising, how did you get here?" Asked Rarity.

"Josh you're here?! THAT'S SO AWESOME! Now we can race each other!" Says Rainbow.

"It's so good to see Josh!" Says Fluttershy, barely audible but still enthusiastic.

"Alright you guys I know you must be as excited as I am about Josh being here but could you give him some space? He's still trying to take in all of this." She was concern for my wellbeing, how thoughtful.

"Well of course dear, sorry about." Rarity apologized and so did the others. Spike emerges from the kitchen.

"So anypony want to tell your old friend Spike about what happened while you guys were in another dimension?" Says Spike with a eager look on his face.

"Alright Spike, but you might want to sit down for this."

*Break* my house

"Josh you in there!?" Yelled Denny while his friend was waiting next to a parked car.

"Dude, Denny I don't think he's in there." Says the other guy. Denny kept banging on the door.

"So where the fuck did he go?"

"He's probably doing something, he'll probably be back tomorrow." The other guy pulls out a cigarette.

"Aw what the fuck he said he was going to give me that spare wheel part today what the fuck is he doing anyway? Is he fucking himself or what?"

"Yeah I bet that's what he's doing." They both gave out a laugh.

"Fuck it I'm just going to get it myself it's probably in his garage." He walks over to the garage and opens the door. They both enter.

"Lot of shit in here." Said Denny looking for the wheel.

"So you heard Jamie's little rant the other day?" Asked the other guy.

"What?"

"You heard Jamie's rant two days ago about that guy who screwed him over at GameStop?"

"Oh yeah I heard that, that was fucking funny. He was talking about on Xbox live."

"I never really liked that guy, he was a dick. Every time I try to talk he fucking opens mouth and doesn't even give me a chance to say anything. He also fucking stupid. He failed three courses in high school and they were all the easy ones."

"Dude that guy doesn't have many friends because he such an ass wipe, he didn't even bother to split the check at the buffet, he said he forgot to bring his wallet, well we told him that we were going to eat out and we agree to split the check. What did it like slip through his mind?"

"The only friend he has is his dick and it doesn't even like him."

"Ha ha that sound like something Josh would say. Ha ha it be like 'YOU FUCKING TOUCH ME ONE MORE TIME!'"

They both laughed.

*Break* Equestria

"And he has this thing called an ATV...is that what it was…yeah that's what it was, and it was totally awesome, that was really fast and I tried doing some cool tricks with it and…"

"And she fell off." I cut Rainbow off.

"Yeah but still, I was doing pretty awesome on that thing right?"

"OOH OOH Guys let's have a party to welcome Josh to Equestria! I'll get the balloons!" Shouted Pinkie.

"Hold on Pinkie we can't do that yet!" Twilight stopped her in her tracks. Pinkie frowned.

"Aww why not Twilight?"

"Because Pinkie, everypony is exactly accustomed to see a large, two legged creature from another dimension in our town. We don't want to cause a panic." Who the fuck are you calling large bitch.

"But what if we tell everypony that it's alright having Josh here, besides he's not dangerous, aren't you Josh?"

"Hu…"

"See, he's friendly, I'm sure they'll understand." Exclaimed Pinkie with a positive attitude.

"Sorry Pinkie but Twilight may have something here." Interrupted Applejack.

"Awww you guys are no fun." Said Pinkie with a pouty face. Spike was listening to our conversation and decided to throw his words into it, but instead a scroll came out of his mouth. That was fucked up. If he has the ability to barf out scrolls than I bet he also has the ability to shit out novels. Twilight picks up the letter and reads it.

"What does it say Twilight?" Asked Fluttershy.

"It's a letter from Princess Celestia." Answered Twilight. Everyone stated to gather around her. All except me.

"She said she'll be visiting Ponyville tomorrow." Said Twilight.

They all gasped.

"The princess is coming here!? Tomorrow?!" Yelled Applajack.

"Oh dear I must get ready for her visit tomorrow, ta ta everypony." Said Rarity before leaving.

"Oh have to go to, I need to practice my stunts so I can show them too Princess Celestia." Announced Rainbow, leaving also.

"Oh I wonder why the Princess is coming here." Fluttershy thought out loud.

"She's probably just wants to meet Josh and determine whether or not if he's a threat to us, but I don't think that'll be a problem right Josh?"

"You have any soda?" I asked, I don't feel like drinking tea anymore.

*Break*

It was getting dark now and we were all getting ready for bed. There was one problem though. Where the fuck am I sleeping? On the floor? Twilight brought up the suggestion of sharing her bed with me. Guess what my answer was…

Luckily she got another bed so I we wouldn't have to do that. She place it in her room because there wasn't much room in the living room. She placed it right next to hers so that'll we were across from each other.

"So do you have everything settled?" Asked twilight.

"Yeah I'm good to go thanks." I said.

"Good now let's get some shut eye, we have to be ready for when Princess Celestia visits us." Twilight got in her bed and so did I. You know it feels kind of weird that I'm basically having a sleep over with a fucking unicorn.

"Well good night Josh." Said Twilight as she turned off the lights.

"Yeah good night." I replied.

I was still awake for three more hours until sleep finally took over.

*Break*

"Come on Josh get ready, she's going to be here in less than an hour." Said Twilight.

"Hold your fuckin horn I'm almost ready." I don't know what kind of reaction I'm going to get the minute the Princess lays her eyes on me nut I have a feeling that it's not going to be very pleasant. We walked all the way over to the town square and I can say that a lot of ponies were there, and they were all looking at me. Oh look Twilight's friends already here.

"Hey Josh, hey Twilight, you guys ready for Celestia's arrival?" Asked Applejack.

"More than ever right Josh?"

"Yeah very exciting." I said in a monotone voice.

"LOOK THERE SHE IS!" Yelled some random pony. I saw a golden carriage lead by two armored Pegasi. Yup, that's definitely the Princess. I wonder what she'll look like. Probably fat.

"Everypony get ready!"

The carriage lands right in front of us. The side door opens and emerging from that door is the Princess, a unicorn/pegasi. And that's not all, another pony came out of the carriage and she was just like the Princess except she was completely dark blue.

"Hey Twilight, whose that?" I asked her, pointing out the mysterious dark pony.

"Oh she's Princess Luna, Princess Celestia's younger sister. She rules Equestria alongside her and also controls the moon." Explained twilight.

Wait I though king and queens rule the land not princess or does that not matter here. Was there ever a king and queen of Equestria? Oh sit they're coming over.

"Hello, you must be Josh if I'm correct?" Asked Celestia.

"Yes." I quipped.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, my name is Princess Celestia, the co-ruler of Equestria and this is my sister, Princess Luna." She motions Luna over. Luna slowly walks up to me and smiles.

"Hello and welcome to Equestria." Said Luna, almost too happily.

"Top of the morning." I greeted, trying to sound fancy. They both smirked.

"LET'S START THE PARTY!" Yelled Pinkie, jumping up and down.

"Pinkie! Shhh!" Twilight said to her friend.

"Twilight told me a lot of good things about you, tell me what is your species like?" Celestia asked me.

"Well we humans are complex organisms, there kind of like you ponies brainwise." I'm not good at this topic.

"Wow, your kind seems very interesting already." Said Luna.

"Before we talk any further, shall we discuss this in Sugar Cube Corner?" Said Celestia.

*Break* Sugar Cube Corner

We were all sitting at a long table provided by the owners of the shop. There were platters of sweets and treats scattered all over the table and Pinkie was scarfing them down.

"I must say your world is very unique Josh." Complimented Celestia, taking a bite out of her cupcake. I've been only telling them the good parts of my world, I decided to save the shitty parts for next time.

"So Josh, didn't you say you have a family?" Asked Luna who was on my left.

"Yeah, I have mom, dad and an older sister. My parents live in New Hampshire, which is another state in my country as you already know is America. My sister is living in a different state that's a little far from mine. She works at a hospital as a medicine doctor, she's currently married right now. A husband and two kids, I got to see them during last vacation. My dad was a construction contractor, he works a lot. My mom was a veterinarian at a local vet, it was also where we got are first pet. A dog, we named it Judy."

The two princesses were just taking in every bit of information that's coming out of my mouth, their eyes were just staring at me this whole time, not once have they flickered to another direction. What the fuck is it that makes me look so interesting to these bitches?

"Well you must've been very excited to receive your first pet." Said Celestia.

"Actually that was my first dog, I had other pets before her."

"Oh do tell." Said Luna.

"Let's see if I can still remember them, I had mice, two birds, goldfish, snails, and a cat."

"You've had a lot of animals in your life time have you?" Asked Luna.

"What can I say animals love me." The three of us shared a laugh.

"So are you enjoying Equestria so far?" Asked Celestia, sipping from her tea cup.

"It's pretty nice here, who knew I'd be the first ever human to set foot in this dimension."

The two princesses shared a glance.

"Umm actually Josh, you really aren't the first human to set foot in Equestria." Said Celestia.

"Say what?"

*Break*

"What are they saying?" Asked Rainbow Dash.

"I don't know, they're probably just talking about his world." Answered Twilight, stirring her chocolate milkshake with her straw.

"Hey Twilight, you feeling okay?" Asked Applejack, noticing Twilights empty expression.

"What…oh yeah, yeah I'm fine Applejack, whatever gave you the idea that I wasn't fine?" Said Twilight almost defensively.

"Uh, nothing Twilight, just wanted to see why you look do down." Responded Applejack. Twilight nods her head and proceeded to watch Josh and the two princesses conversing while having a sad puppy look on her face. Applejack seems to understand why.

"Oh I think I know what this is Twilight." Said Applejack with a smirk on her face.

"What? Uh, what are you talking about?" Twilight quickly responds, nearly knocking over her milkshake.

"You don't have to play dumb with me Twilight I understand."

"Um seriously Applejack I have no idea what you're talking about." Counter Twilight, a blush visible on her cheeks.

"Oh sugar cube you don't have to deny, it's okay if you like him, even I'm getting a little lovey dovey when I see him." Confessed Applejack.

"Applejack let me make this clear to you, I'm not falling for him. He's just a friend, that's all, nothing more." Twilight firmly pressed.

"Alright, alright don't need to get all defensive there sugar cube." Said Applejack, walking away from her table. There's no fucking way these ponies can love another creature from another dimension, that's just bizarre. Twilight finishes off the rest of her milkshake.

*Break*

"You see Josh, there was another human before you. His name was Arnold. The first time I have ever met him was a very strange situation for me, but all of that passed in time and we…well, let's just say we've grown to like each other fairly well." Said Celestia.

Oh my fucking goodness does she mean what I think means?

"And, I may have not told you this but…you seem to remind me of him."

She was looking at me with puppy love eyes, oh shit what have my nipples and I have gone into. I mean beastiality is pretty frowned upon in my world (and I don't know about you furries). But above all that it doesn't really sound like it's the worst crime to ever commit. Yeah I have sex animals all the time, during foreplay I like to scatter sea urchins, eels, and sponges all over my body, but the only sea creature I would not have sex with is a sea star. Fuck you Patrick. Those bitches have exoskeletons harder than steel so if you tried equipping a fucking sea star for intercourse it be like having sex with a garage door.

But of course I'm joking about all of this.

"You don't say." That's all I can come up with. I was too afraid to move because she looked like she was about to pounce on me like a lion.

"Umm sister would you like to tell him some of our stories? He just might enjoy them." Interrupted Luna suddenly.

"Oh sure dear sister, why not." Replied Celestia.

Saved by the fucking bell.


	6. Chapter 6

Dreaming…I must be dreaming, that must be it, although I couldn't tell. Everything is so vivid around me but yet I can only describe a few things about it. This is like one of those dreams where your surroundings are almost realistic enough to believe that you are awake. I feel like I'm being touched by many different sensations but cannot really feel them at all. Strange isn't it. Alright I'm not going to tell you about the philosophy of dreaming let's just get through this shit, I must be in some kind of field on the country side. Am I back on earth now?

"Enjoying the view?" Said an unknown, majestic voice coming from behind me. I turned around and saw a familiar sight.

"What up Princess." I felt as if I didn't really need to be formal anymore with her.

"This is a nice place isn't it? Such a wonderful landscape, almost like a portrait. What do you think Josh?" She asked me.

"Well it is a nice view and all…wait what am I saying I need to fuckin wake up, WAKE UP!" Yep it was definitely a dream. I was back in Twilights bedroom and there was no one there, probably outside. It was still light out, I got out of bed and proceeded to the door. I opened it and in my sight was Twilight reading as usual.

"Hey Twilight what happened last night did you guys carry me back to your house?" I asked her.

"You don't remember? Well during Celestia's visit at Sugar Cube Corner you accidently slipped on a banana and hit your head on cabinet." She finished. Hit my fuckin head what?! I looked in the mirror and I saw a bandage on my temple. Doesn't look that bad.

"After your little injury we had to cut the Princesses visit short so you could recover, so are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah, and how the fuck did I slip on a banana?" I had to ask her, it was fuckin bugging me.

"Well Pinkie was eating a banana Sunday and…she's just a messy eater."

Fucking Pinkie I'll murder that bitch.

"Oh I almost forgot, Princess Celestia invited us to the upcoming Grand Galloping Gala, ." Said Twilight, excitingly. Shit, another encounter with the Princess, I have a bad feeling about this.

"Uh yeah I don't really know." I replied with uncertainty.

"Oh come on Josh it won't be that bad and besides it's a good chance for the Princess to get to know you better." Reassured Twilight. I think she knows me enough.

"So when's the Gala?"

"About a week from now so approximately four days." Replied Twilight.

Four days to fuck myself, great.

"Anyway I'm gonna go out, see you in a bit." I told her and walked out before she can reply. Such a happy looking village, ponies of all color, shapes, sizes, and hairstyles are all around here. What the fuck is that on their asses? They have tattoo parlors here too? I got to get me one of those, I'll have a tattoo on my arm shaped like a pair of titties. I might just go visit the park, maybe I can shoot some ducks there. The park wasn't too far away, I'm guessing it's about a six minute walk from Twilight's place. It was a simple park, it had your average pond, the kid's playground, etc. I sat down on one of the benches and remained there for a while. What the fuck am I going to do? I'm stuck in this shitting world with no way of return. What the fuck am I going to do here? I can't stay at Twilight's house forever and no one will ever hire me because no one wants a freak from another world working in their establishment. All the hope that I have been storing in my anus has fallen out into the fucking toilet and flush away, forever gone. This makes me want to commit suicide aga…

"Well hello there." An old grandma mare spoke to me. How long has she been here?

"Hi." I greeted her back.

"I've never seen a creature like you before, what's your name son?" The old mare asked.

"Josh"

"Well it's very nice to meet you Josh, say you sort of remind of those minotaur's here in Equestria except you have no fur or horns. Are you by any chance related to them?"

"No, far from it."

"Oh well, are you from here?"

"No, I'm from a different world, if can actually believe that."

"Well anything's possible in a world of magic, you just don't know when it's going to happen." The old mare produced a paper bag, she reached into it and pulled out the contents. Birdseeds. She threw them onto the ground and waited for the birds to swarm.

"So how long have you been staying here?" She asked me.

"A couple days, Princess Celestia and her sister came over here a couple hours ago to see me. They wanted to know stuff about me because I'm an entirely new creature here."

"Oh yes I've heard about that, did you enjoy the visit?"

"A little."

A bird landed next to my feet and it went towards the feeding spot, a few more birds have arrived.

"Say sonny, what's got you down?" She noticed my slight frown.

"I don't even know what I'm going to do here, I doubt that I'll found a job, a home, or anything here. Sometimes I feel like life is screwing me over." No, I know life is screwing me over.

"Well life is full of unexpectancies. Life is like a box of cupcakes, you never know which kind you'll get when you reach in without looking and pull one out."

"Hey I never really got your name." I suddenly realized.

"Oh how silly of me heh heh heh, sometimes I tend to forget things since I'm old and all, if I still have any brain cells left than there are only a few heh heh heh, anyway my name's Fall Leaf."

I nodded my head.

"So Fall Leaf, you have a family?" I decided to change the topic.

"Why yes I do I have a brother, a sister, two sons, and one daughter, along with four grand kids."

*Break*

That was probably the longest conversation I had in a while, it was getting late so I've headed back to Twilight's. I opened the door and saw that she wasn't there, probably upstairs. I went into the kitchen and looked for anything to eat. All I saw were fucking hay and grass, well fuck the midnight snack I'm not that hungry anyway. *stomach grumble* Fuck you I said I'm not that hungry!

"Hey Josh." Said Twilight. "I didn't hear you come in, are you hungry?"

"No I was just going to sleep anyway."

"Alright well if you need anything just ask okay?"

I went over to my bed and flopped onto it, waiting for sleep to wash me away.

*break*

I was dreaming again, this time I was in a large cabin. It was a pretty neat too. The fire place was lit and the furniture looked expensive. It looked like a ski resort.

"Hello Josh." Said an alluring female voice. "It's good to see you again."

I was half expecting to see Celestia but it was actually her sister Luna.

"Hi…Luna right?"

"Yes, that is my name." She approached me until we were about a few inches away from each other.

"How are you Josh?" she asked me.

"Good, and you?" I replied. She smiled.

"Good as well." She walked over to the fire place. "Um Josh may I ask you something?"

"Yeah go ahead."

"Have you...ever…loved…somepony?" Where the fuck is this conversation going?

"Uh…no, not really." Of all the emotions I have, love is not one of them. Actually I rarely show any emotions (only if I want to), that's right I'm a fucking robot. Go fuck yourselves.

"Oh, really? Not even once?" She asked me.

"Nope."

"Hmm, I see." She approached me again. "Josh, has something bad ever occurred in your life?"

Why is she asking me this? What the fuck is she trying to get at? So many questions, not a lot of answers.

"I'm asking you this because…I'm concerned of you." Said Luna.

"Why, we just met." I countered.

"Yes I know that we've just met not too long ago but I can feel a connection growing between us, don't you feel it too?" Alright how can I say this without hurting her feelings…oh wait, this is just a fucking dream I can do whatever I want, and do you know what I'm going to do? I ran out to the balcony and jumped off.

"JERONIMO!" I shouted. This is the part where I wake up.

*Break*

I woke up. That was the most fucked up dream I've had in a while, but I can smell pancakes from down stairs so who the fuck cares. I got out of bed and proceeded towards the kitchen and, what do you know, pancakes. Right on the table. I have a really good sense of smell.

"Good morning Josh." Said a cheerful Twilight. "I hoped you slept well."

"I know I have." Said Spike, half awake.

All three of us took our seats and ate breakfast.

"So Josh are you liking Ponyville so far?" Asked Twilight.

"Yeah I guess." I replied. "Hey Twilight, is it alright if I can find a job here so I don't have to keep mooching off you?" I'm just going to go for it, I don't give a fuck.

"Oh it's okay you're not mooching off me, I really don't mind." Replied Twilight.

"But is there still a job I can look for?" Anything I can do, garbage man, fry cook, dildo salesmen, sex hotline operator, anything.

"Well I think Applejack could use some help at Sweet Apple Acres."

*Break*

"It's really nice that you can help us out here Josh." Said Applejack.

"So what can I do?"

"Have you ever bucked an apple tree?"

"No."

"Come on I'll show you." I followed her to one of thousands of apple trees they.

"Now watch as I buck this tree and the apples will fall off." I watched as Applejack kicked the tree with her hind legs, causing it to drop its load.

"Now you try." I approached the tree and gave it a fierce kick in the gonads. Apples began to fall off the tree. These trees are my bitch, they're no match for me.

"Really good sugar cube, oh come, I want you to meet ma family." I followed her back to the barn. "Hey guys." Said Applejack to her siblings. "Josh meet my brother and sister, Applebloom and Big Macintosh. Applebloom, Big Mac, this is Josh, he's a good friend of mine."

Big mac came up to me and smiled.

"Howdy there." He said. "A friend of ma sisters is also a friend of mine."

"Hi, nice to me Mister Josh." Greeted Applebloom. "Wow you're tall."

"Thanks." I replied.

After the introductions I began helping Applejack and Big Mac move hale bales. While we were doing that I had a strange feeling about Applejack's brother, every time I look in his direction he looks away almost immediately. I thought it was just a coincidence but that hypothesis was dropped after about seven times. I do not want to be around that guy anymore.

Alright so now that we finished moving those hale bales I helped Applejack get the equipment back into the barn.

"Alright Josh thanks for the help, I mighty fine appreciate it." Said Applejack.

"You're welcome." I replied. I thought today was over, but think again asshole…

"And for all your hard work I'm going to give you your payment."

"Alright that's cool."

Applejack walked over to the barn doors, she shuts them and locks them. What kind of payment am I receiving and don't tell me it's solitary confinement. Applejack begins to advance towards me, like a predator stalking it's prey.

"Are you ready to receive your "payment" sugar cube?" Said Applejack very seductively.

"Uh…no." I realized what she meant by "payment". Fuck.

And just like that she pounced. For a fucking small pony she packs quite a weight. Is this how I'm going to die? Being sexually assaulted by a redneck pony? Fuck you fate! I tried to push her off but she wouldn't have any of that and held on even tighter. She was rubbing her body against my dick while French kissing the shit out of my mouth. After minutes of her endless lip sucking I finally managed to break out of her grip and made a break for it. I went crashing through the fucking doors and landed on the ground. Guess who else was lying on the ground with me, none other than Applejacks brother, he must've been ease dropping in our little "session". Probably just jerking off to the love noises inside. Perverted dick face. Anyway I ran as fast as I could away from this rape house and never looked back.

*Break*

"So have you ever worked in a donut shop before?" Asked Joe, the manager of 'Joe's Donuts'. It looked like a nice place to work, there's no possibility of being raped and I get to have as many free donuts as I want.

"No but It doesn't seem too hard." I replied.

"Alright then let's get started." Said Joe.

* * *

Read and review if you want to.


	7. Chapter 7

"I would like a strawberry frosted donut with extra nuts and cranberries." Said the stallion.

"Coming right up." I replied, picking out the said donut and applied some nuts and cranberries on top, I then placed it in a bag and set it right in front of him.

"That'll be three bits please."

He reached into his man purse and pulled out three bits and handed them to me.

"Thank you, come again." I said, trying to sound like Appu from the Simpsons. As the stallion walked out, a familiar face entered the store.

"Hey Spike." I greeted. "Here for some donuts?"

"Oh hey Josh! I didn't know you work here!" Said Spike, very surprised. "I thought you were helping Applejack out at her farm."

"Yeah, no, I changed my mind and decided to start an employment here instead, and besides I'm surrounded by food, what better place to work." I said, Spike laughs.

"I'm with you there." Said Spike. "Say what made you change your mind anyway?"

Oh shit! Here comes another Vietnam war flash back. The memories are just to unbearable, ever since that little "stunt" Applejack pulled on me I can't look her directly in the eye any more, and I bet she couldn't either. Fuck, I'm just going to try to avoid her as much as possible, gotta keep my dick safe somehow.

"I didn't really feel like kicking trees anymore, it was too much work." I lied, Spike is to pure and innocent, the last thing I want to do is corrupt his diminutive brain shit.

"Oh, that's too bad, you would've made a great addition to the Apple family." Said Spike.

"Yeah think they have enough family members so you want to buy a donut?" I asked him. "We have a little discount on chocolate donuts if you're interested." Spike licks his lips.

"That does actually sound pretty good. Alright! I'll take it." Said Spike.

*Break*

I made a substantial amount of money today, for once I could say that I was sort of happy. I was fiddling with a bit in my hand while walking home, you know these bits are kind of similar to gold doubloons that you'd see in pirate movies. I must be a pain in the rectum carrying these in a bag every day, I'm not entirely sure if these bits are the only form of currency here, do they have paper bills too? Who the fuck knows.

"Hey Josh!" Said Rainbow from a distance. "Over here!"

Does she want something from me? Whatever, she's a friend of mine I can trust her. I approached Rainbow Dash who was hiding behind a bush. Pinkie was also there.

"Hi Josh, whatch ya up to? We're pulling a prank on Applejack! Wanna join?" Pinkie asked.

"This'll be hilarious." Said Rainbow Dash. "You see that tree over there? We replaced the apples with water balloons so when goes to buck that tree the water balloons will fall on her, it's gonna be sweet." Rainbow and Pinkie were chuckling the whole time. Although, I would like to see Applejack get soaked but right now I just feel like going home. Besides, revenge isn't really my style, I knew that she meant well, she probably wasn't thinking straight. When I saw her at the farm she looked like she was trying to fight a vibrator shoved up her pussy while maintaining control of her posture.

"It does sound like fun but I'll have to pass, tell me how it ends up." I waved them goodbye for now.

"Alright suite yourself Josh." Said Rainbow.

"Ooh ooh, there she is!" Said Pinkie who spotted Applejack approaching the trap-rigged tree.

"This is gonna be so hilarious." Said Rainbow, barely able to keep in her giggles. Applejack turns around and bucks the shit out the tree.

*Break*

"Fuck does she keep anything that's edible I fridge, but of course it's edible for only ponies." I was looking through her fridge to find any consumable substance. It was a futile effort.

"Hey Twilight, you here?!" I shouted, half expecting an echo. Eight seconds of silence has proven that she was absent from her home. Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now? Fuck it I'll go somewhere else.

I decided to explore the forest around here, maybe bag a few animals, gut em and grill em. I'm kidding.

I was walking along the edge of the forest when I heard a high pitch cry emanating somewhere in the bushes. It sounds like a fairy, maybe if I can capture it I could wish for anything I want. Are there any fairies in Equestria? I cautiously approached the bush, ready for whatever's going to happen.

"Alright, on the count of now!" I advanced on the bush. There was nothing here. Except a small blue bird, it was lying on the ground holding its wing. It must've broke its wing while flying or some shit like that. Well it's lucky that I came just in the nick of time.

"Don't worry bird I'm here to help you." The bird seems to panic even more after I said that. No matter, after I'm done saving the bird I will be its hero and it'll make a statue of me in honor of my heroic actions. I kneeled down so that I'm closer to the bird and tried to appear as non-threatening as possible.

"It's alright bird, I'm not here to hurt you." I said to the bird. "I just want to help that's all." The bird seems to understand me as it stopped panicking. I carefully picked up the bird and held it firmly in my hands. To be honest I didn't really know what to do with it but then I realized Fluttershy was an expert on animals so I went to her house. I finally made it to Fluttershy's house, I knocked on her door.

"Just a second!" Cried Fluttershy. She opens the door. "Oh hello Josh, do you need anything?"

"Yeah I need your help, you see I found this bird lying on the ground and it has a broken wing, I figured that since you're good with animals you would know what to do."

"Oh my goodness, may I take a look?" Asked Fluttershy, concerned about the bird.

I went inside and placed the bird on a table so Fluttershy could examine it.

"Oh my, your wing seems to be fractured a little, but don't worry birdie, after I fix your wing you'll be flying again in no time." Said Fluttershy trying to console the bird.

"Josh could you lend the first-aid kit in the kitchen?" Asked Fluttershy.

"Got it." I acknowledged. I retrieved the first-aid kit and gave it to her, looks like we're going to play some Operation here, not to worry I too am a licensed doctor, I once completed the Surgeon Simulator in under thirty minutes. It was a flawless surgery.

"Alright now try not to move because this may hurt a bit." Said Fluttershy as she firmly gripped the birds wing in her mouth and gently but quickly bents it back in position. The bird gave out a high pitch cry as the it's bone was being snapped back into place.

"Now I need to put a little cast on your wing so it can heal okay?" Said Fluttershy. The bird happily nods.

*Break*

Fluttershy and I were sitting next to each other on the couch, talking and sipping tea. You can really get to know her once you get pass all the shyness.

"Are you going to the gala Fluttershy?" I asked.

"Oh yes, it's a really nice place." Responded Fluttershy. "The gala is full of wonderful animals, there so many I can't even count." This bitch is obsessed with animals, it feels like I'm talking to a representative of PETA.

"You love animals a lot don't you?" I asked her in a deadpan tone.

"Heh heh, yes I really do love animals, I'm sorry if I'm bragging on and on about it but I just can't help it sometimes." Fluttershy was fidgeting in her seat a little. I was about to respond but something hit me in the head, I turned towards the culprit and spotted a white rabbit. It looked pissed for some reason.

"Angel, what did I say about throwing things at our guest?" Said Fluttershy in a stern matter. The rabbit continued to glare at me. What the fuck is this bitch's problem? Did my presence alone somehow offended it?

"Angel, you be nice and apologize to him." Said Fluttershy. The rabbit clearly has a rebellious attitude, it blew a raspberry at me instead and hopped away. That little piece of shit has a death wish.

"Oh I'm really sorry about Angel's behavior." Apologized Fluttershy. "Angel doesn't seem to get along with anypony."

"It's fine I'm not really bothered by it." I reassured her. She smiles.

"Would you like some more tea?" Offered Fluttershy.

*Break*

Meanwhile in Canterlot, Princess Celestia was getting everything ready for the upcoming event, her sister Princess Luna was also giving her some assistance with the preparations. The party will be held at her castle, it was a large place, you could fit about a hundred ponies in a single room. There were close to seventy ponies scattered evenly around the castle, each working on a specific task and there was obviously no sign of slacking. The Gala is said to be one of the most prestigious parties to ever be held in Canterlot and only the fancy ass, rich ponies get to attend it. I wouldn't be surprised if I saw the Monopoly guy there.

Celestia was walking down the massive hallway alongside her sister, occasionally passing guards who gave a salute.

"Dear sister, the preparations for the Gala is nearing completion." Said Luna.

"That is excellent news my sister." Responded Celestia. "Hopefully this one will be more exciting than the last one." Luna smirked. The last year's Gala was a disaster that ended up in a total mess, and that was just the fun part out of all of it. Besides being the most prestigious event in Canterlot it's also the most boring one. Watching two snails do karate is more exciting than going to the Gala.

"Do you think Josh will come?" Asked Luna.

"I hope so, our first meeting ended rather abruptly." Said Celestia. "Oh just thinking about him makes me nervous."

"I'm sure everything will be alright sister." Reassured Luna.

"Do you think Josh likes me?" Asked Celestia, feeling a little insecure.

"Of course he does Tia." Said Luna, trying to look at the positive.

"Do you think we'll ever…be together?" Asked Celestia, whispering a little on the last part. It took a little while for Luna to come up with the right answer.

"I don't know Tia, that's up to you. Do you really like him that much?" Asked Luna.

"I…I don't know, maybe in time I will." Said Celestia. "But what about him? Will he feel the same way about me?"

"I don't know dear sister, you'll just have to find out the next time you two meet." Said Luna.

*Break*

I have just departed from Fluttershy's house, the visit was alright, except for the fucking rabbit who kept pelting me with carrots. It was afternoon, the walk back to Twilight's was somewhat peaceful, until a certain dragon bumped into me. He walked right into my leg and the recoil made him fall back on his ass.

"Ow, oh hi Josh, how's it going?" Said Spike, looking a little nervous. Why was he nervous?

"Something going on?" I asked him. "What's the matter with you?"

"Huh? Uh nothing's wrong, say, you mind that we talk somewhere else, I don't really like being in the open right now." He asked.

"How about Twilight's house?" I suggested.

"That works." To Twilight's we shall go.

We finally made it to her house and plopped on the couch. Twilight noticed our presence and came in.

"Hey guys, how was your day?" Asked Twilight, she was carrying a book with her magical powers.

"It was alright." I said. Spike just smiled.

"Oh I almost forgot, did everything go well at Sweet Apple Acres?" Asked Twilight.

"Yeah it went well, I helped her buck apple trees and stuff like that, she told me I was good at." I said, trying to make my story credible. "In fact I did so well she realized that I might put her out of business by doing all the work and leaving the others with nothing to do so she came to the conclusion of not having me as her employee, but it was on good terms so there was no problem. On the plus though, I got a job at a donut shop in down town so…everyone wins." Check and fucking mate, she should be able to take that bait. Anyone would, because I am a good story teller, shit I should be writing novels for a living. I would be the new Stephen King. My stories will be hit critical acclaim and pretty soon they'll make audio tape versions of them and people can listen my stories while they masturbate. It's the perfect plan.

Twilight seemed a little skeptical but all she said was…

"O…kay than." She has took the bait. Success.

Twilight went back upstairs with a different book, leaving Spike and I only once more.

"Hey Spike what's up with you back there?" I asked him again.

"Well it was nothing to bad I was just…well, running away from Applejack." Answered Spike.

"Why?"

*Break*

Spike was strolling along a dirt path when he came upon Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie hiding in a bush. This made Spike curious so he decided to approach them.

"Rainbow Dash? Pinkie Pie?" Said Spike. The said two turned their heads to face him. "What are you guys doing here hiding in this bush?"

"Oh hey Spike, you just came at the right time. We're pranking Applejack, wanna join?" Said Rainbow.

"It'll be super, duper hilarious Spike!" Said Pinkie.

"Uh sure, I'll join in." Said Spike.

Applejack walked up to the tree carrying a couple buckets. She placed the buckets under the tree, then she turned around and kicked the tree, dropping water balloons on her. Applejack was completely soaked. Her hat was drooping over her face, water dripping from the edges. At first there was confusion which was then followed by anger as she realized that it was a prank, but who pulled it?

Applejack heard laughter in a nearby bush, laughter that was all too recognizable. She approached the bush and saw the culprits. Rainbow, Pinkie and Spike were on the ground, writhing with laughter, not even noticing the irate Applejack in front of them. And when they did notice they gulped. Better fucking run bitches.

"Got it." Said Pinkie. The chase had begun.

*Break*

"Yeah that's what you get for joining them." I said.

"Heh, I guess." Said Spike, feeling a little down.

"Hey I'm just kidding, If was there I also would've laughed my nipples off." I said. It seemed to have made him feel better.

"He yeah, it was pretty funny, but I might need to stay out of her path for a little while, just until she cools down." Said Spike.

"Sounds good."

It was night right now, not a single thing was stirring. Except for Twilight who went downstairs to get a cup of milk. She retrieved a milk carton from her fridge and poured it into a glass cup. While she was doing that she heard a rustling in the living room.

"Must Josh and Spike." Twilight said to herself. She heard it again, the rustling noises. Twilight decides to investigate where the noise was coming from. When she walked into the living room there was no one there. Just darkness. Strange. This gave twilight goose bumps. Where could those two vaginas be?

Then all of a sudden she heard more noises, but they were coming from the closet.

"Guys? Josh? Spike? Are you in there?" Asked Twilight. No answer was given. Twilight cautiously approached the closet and slowly turned the door knob. She opens it and finds nothing inside. Twilight was beginning to feel frightened. Could there be a burglar I the house? Or a deranged psychopath who likes to break into people's homes and make rustling noises? Or could it be…

"AHHHH!" Twilight screamed as she was suddenly covered in a white blanket and lifted in to the air.

"Get ready because the weather man predicts there's a high chance of BLANKETS!" An unknown voice declared. Twilight was now beyond confused.

"WHAT!? AHH!" Said Twilight, she was then lightly thrown onto the couch. After that all she heard was laughter. Twilight removed the blanket from her head and saw that it was none other than Josh and Spike.

"What…what's going on?" Asked Twilight, confusion in her voice.

"We're just having some fun nothing big." I said, trying to look nonchalant. Spike was still laughing. Twilight was annoyed.

"And your kind of fun is scaring other ponies by enveloping them with a blanket?" Said Twilight.

"Well that was just to get rid of your hiccups."

"But I don't have hiccups."

"Of course you don't all thanks to me, it's alright you don't need to thank me I'm just doing my job."

"Hugh, I'm going to sleep. Don't stay up too much." And like that Twilight turned in for the night.

"Wanna make some smores?" I asked Spike.

"Sure!" He replied ecstatically.

* * *

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